


Only Us

by whoaaitsmichele



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 16:01:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9079609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoaaitsmichele/pseuds/whoaaitsmichele
Summary: Prompt 1: After the case is wrapped up, Lukas asks for space and Philip thinks it’s over between them because he outed him to his dad. Lukas finally seeks him out after too much time has passed looking for his boyfriend. Prompt 2: Philip has a panic attack and Lukas doesn’t know how to help him but he doesn’t listen to Philip when he tells him to leave. I’m using both prompts in one.





	

Philip was anxious. 

He had been since the day Ryan killed his mother and Helen killed Ryan to protect him.

He felt himself panic at the most random times. He thought about his mother and what she would be doing right now if she was alive and felt his chest get tighter. 

_Breathe in_.

 _Breathe out_.

That was the mantra his therapist had told him over and over again when he admitted he was having panic attacks.

He secluded himself in his room most days, isolating himself from the outside world. He didn’t want to face it yet, knowing his mother wasn’t out there waiting for him.

She wouldn’t be there to hug him and to give him kisses.

She wouldn’t be there to gently smile at him, reminding him of how lucky he was that he had Gabe and Helen.

They were great. More than great actually.

But they were not his mom. They could never replace her. He felt tears stream down his face and he angrily rubbed them away. 

He needed to be strong. His mother would want him to be strong. 

“Mom,” He whispered softly, his voice breaking as he looked at photo of the two of them on his bedside table.

He took it in his grasp, not prepared for there to be a knock at the door a second later. He jumped in shock, dropping the picture frame on the wood floor. 

“Philip?” A familiar voice he hadn’t heard in awhile came from the other side of the door. 

Lukas.

Philip trembled, noticing the broken frame on the floor and he suddenly felt like there was an elephant on his chest. 

He couldn’t breathe.

Lukas hadn’t contacted him in 3 weeks since everything went down. He thought it was because of his father, but Helen told him that Bo was fine with Lukas being gay. 

So why?

He felt a ringing in his ears and he opened his mouth to try to make words come out.

“Don’t come in,” He pleaded, “Please.” 

“Philip…” Lukas whispered, his own voice sounding pained.

Philip was a mess.

 _I’m not good enough_ , his inner voice told him as Lukas knocked on the door again.

“I can’t…I can’t breathe,” Philip realized after saying the words out loud that he grabbed at the front of his shirt as if it was cutting off his circulation. 

“Philip?!” Lukas yelled from the outside, hearing the heavy breathing through the thin door and realizing his boyfriend was having a panic attack.

The blood was rushing to Philip’s ears as he could faintly hear Lukas calling for Helen and Gabe. The next thing he knew, he was on the floor next to the broken frame and Gabe was running over to him.

“Philip, you have to try and match my breathing son.”

He grabbed his foster son’s hand and placed it on his own chest. He felt Philip take a deep breath slowly and watched as his breathing calmed down. Philip fell against Gabe, too tired and emotional to care about anyone seeing him like this. 

Wait. Lukas was here.

Oh no.

Philip looked up through half-lidded eyes to see his boyfriend bending down beside him, careful of the broken frame on the floor. 

Helen, Philip noticed, was looking on with concerned eyes and looked like she didn’t know whether or not to hug him. She walked around the three men on the floor, and picked up the frame, careful of the photo still inside.

Philip watched as she slipped out of the room and wondered where she was going.

“Philip, hey.” Gabe turned Philip’s attention from the door back to the man he saw as a father. Gabe gave him a sad smile before speaking up again.

“Why don’t we get you into the bed. Does that sound good?” Philip could only nod as he felt himself being pulled up gently by Lukas from his position on the floor. He took a misstep and almost fell down again, but Gabe was there to catch him. 

He was so tired.

He felt the bed underneath him and realized he was now lying down. He looked up to see Gabe telling Lukas something in his ear. His eyes were closing as he heard the door shut.

He felt the bed dip next to him and realized Lukas was staying.

 _At least he wasn’t leaving me again_ , he thought before his eyes slipped shut.

-

When Philip woke up the next morning, he saw the photo of him and his mother on the nightstand in a new frame. He let his fingers slide over the photo gently before sighing and turning over. 

And coming face to face with his boyfriend, who was still sleeping.

Philip’s lips turned up into a smile as he heard Lukas’ soft snores and poked at his cheek. Lukas’ eyebrows furrowed in his sleep before he opened his eyes two seconds later.

He immediately, but gently pulled Philip towards his chest. The smaller boy listened to Lukas’ heartbeat and felt himself relax.

“Are you okay?” Lukas asked nervously, worried for Philip’s mental health after last night’s panic attack.

Philip could only nod against his chest, burrowing his face further into his boyfriend’s chest. 

Lukas let his fingers slide through Philip’s hair before kissing him on the head.

“It’s only us. You can tell me the truth.” Lukas pleaded, his voice soft but full of worry. He felt Philip lift his head off his chest and fall back onto his own pillow.

“I feel like everything around me is collapsing and I can’t get up to move because something is dragging me down,” Philip stated, the words slowly coming out of his mouth. “Like I’m on the floor and the air is getting sucked out of the room with no escape.”

“I know that feeling,” Lukas replied, letting out a fake laugh at Philip’s shocked face. “After the cabin…when you weren’t with me and my dad wasn’t home. I would have panic attacks thinking the killer was going to find me…or you or my dad. I felt like I could do nothing to stop anything from happening because I was so afraid to come out. My dad came home one day and slammed the door and I hid in the bathroom for a half hour trying to calm myself down.”

“Lukas…” The brunet responded, at a loss for words.

His boyfriend turned to him, “After Ryan died, I needed some breathing room and get my life readjusted. I’m so sorry for not talking to you for all this time. Just know you’re not alone in this Philip. You don’t have to carry all this guilt or worry or pain by yourself. We’re all here for you. I’ll always be here for you.”

“I know…I just have been so used to holding things in my entire life and it’s all coming to a head and it’s so hard to breathe sometimes. I overthink and worry and don’t know how to escape my own mind.”

“You don’t need to deal with this on your own son,” Gabe said from the doorway. Both boys looked up in surprise, not realizing there was a visitor. The older man gently laughed as they tried to separate themselves. 

“Don’t need to hide anything from me boys,” Gabe winked, and the two groaned in unison at the embarrassment they felt. “I thought I’d let you two know that the pancakes are ready.”

“Your pancakes? Don’t have to tell me twice!” Lukas exclaimed, jumping out of the bed and almost falling to the floor in excitement. “Come on Philip! Pancakes!” He shouted, grabbing Philip’s hand and pulling him from the bed and Philip rolled his eyes and smiled at Gabe as he was dragged out of his room. 

As they made their way downstairs, they could smell the pancakes and Lukas was practically salivating at the aroma. Philip groaned in amusement, as he grabbed a plate and two pancakes, watching as his boyfriend took five and sat down. The taller boy started digging in, forgoing the syrup. Philip shook his head. How he could deal with plain pancakes was beyond him.

Philip looked up from his plate as Helen walked in with her coffee. She gave him a soft smile, before sitting down across next to him. She put her hand gently on his, stopping him from eating briefly.

“Are you okay sweetie?” She asked, her eyes full of worry but he could see she was trying to hold back from trying to hug him. 

For a brief moment he didn't know how to respond, but he turned to her and put his arms around her. She hugged him back, smiling briefly. 

“I’m better now,” he responded pulling back, as she let her fingers push his bangs back the way his mother used to. He closed his eyes briefly, and let her gentle touch calm him. 

_Everything was okay_ , he told himself.

He opened his eyes.

He smiled. 

And he breathed.


End file.
